let's say

it's all good and clear and straight-forward and whatever, the music is playing the time is continuing, will it ever stop

who the hell knows.

it's all great and fulfilling if you dare to choose the path correctly and ignore the "minorities". but if you try to save him or her or yourself or me, then you're fucked, dude, dudette, dudit.

aye, overall the carousel keeps spinning, the new year hasn't presented itself as i expected - of course, the big fireworks but few died. without sacrifices we will not have anything, line up the queue.

the
big
world

i still don't dare to even try to comprehend this, but my twenties are coming and i was feeling this need to be doing something since i started my life.

and i probably won't, and it won't even matter.

matter

matter

you

me

everbody.

just tiny atoms

and if you would see through me.

They think of me as 'they'.

everybody, really, is a part of a one or another statistic.
individualism, no matter how much people are still bragging about it, isn't a virtue or a ticket to success any more, and I often find myself pondering about all this 'getting together', you need them or a only a pack survives business. and I am quite lost. I can't find my place within those groups, I can't find myself relying on them.
Of course, there are always women, but you don't want them to know each other and two is a pair, not a group. Women can make you happy before the shit kicks in. Before you both become french. (french these days is a synonym to annoying) Before you both become bored or boring or just plainly crazy.
It's getting obvious I won't make it alone, though. And it's highly possible that I won't make it with anybody else either.

hey, wanna hang out? Like... on a rope?

i quit my job afterwards
so maybe i'd do a thing
and so i was going through various bridges
intending to practice extreme sports of rope jumping.
without rope.
taking it to the next level.
i sat there for a while.
took my shoes off.
and ran. ran towards the hope
instead i woke up in a mental house.

ride the highway

feel free to crash your car and die in flames screaming.

er. hi.
those are just common type'os. life is beautiful. with all the greys and blacks in it, and an occasional ray of  sunshine coming through the clouds. with all those contrasts and well, i'm a killeroo.
i am tired, or i was tired of this unsureness which i was sure of yet standing there like a douchebag waiting for some answers. well i got them, and they were sure. and i feel a little bit better, which is already a step. it's just that nobody knows where we're going.
and some of us are not going anywhere because they escape too often. and when they have nowhere to go, they come to you and say "Oh hey, remember, we were such a good buddies, I'll just probably follow you". Oh yeah, you're probably reading this. You bastard.
but it's okay, i know you'll die. and so will I. it's just about getting there.

iš lėto

gyvenam, skaičiuojam, planuojam, ateitis vis labiau miglota, o ir miglos sklaidyti nekyla nei rankos nei kojos, galva nebesisuka ir tik Pink Floyd dėka prisimenu kvėpuoti. valandos, minutės realityviai ilgėja, o aš užkliūnu už tų, kurių, rodos, niekada nebuvo. ir laukiu laiškų, praeities priminimų, kad bent jau svajoti išmokčiau.
viena ilga juosta ir tik kartais sapnuose einu ten kur norėčiau būti, bet pabudęs per penkias minutes pamirštu ir juosta tęsiasi, akimirkos momentas, bet niekas nė neįtaria, jog jis buvo.
ir apsimetu tuo ko iš manęs tikisi ir vis dar, po dviejų metų aktyvaus suaugėliškumo, nesuprantu nei kam nei kas nei kaip.
ir šalta naktim ir reikia mums saulės. ir reikia nubusti, kad likti tam chaose.
ir tylos užsitęsė iki begalybės ir vėl išaušo ruduo. ir visas sukauptas pozityvumas nuleistas į kanalizaciją...
nebežinau nieko.

just leave, believe me

i'm about to live a life and only one thing is missing.

couple of last weeks were just messed up, the time behaved in queer ways, and those weeks seem like years. it's a very difficult experience, as i believe life is too long in a first place, and when time starts to multiply itself, even though it's a matter of perception, it may well last forever.

yes, please, criticize this as much as you want. no regrets, whatsoever.

and then this weekend, it kind of reloaded it all, probably because of all the alcohol consumed, even though i seldom feel tipsy, it's either nothing or a wastage. and yet, many new people, new ideas, maybe it's uphill onwards. 

thumbs up for LPQ, futureme, remember how they were at the beginning and i'll see you then.

it's all right. all or most of it, and when i look around for what could i make better... well, of course, there's always a long way to the perfect. but we're due.

As I already stated in my mind.

What is up?

I've already wrote a letter today so might be I'm exhausted of the written word and tomorrow promised to start early, yes, very early indeed. Yet I still had this urge to write something down. I'm not really sure what, but sometimes it's just is - emotions without explanations and images without any meaning.
One more happy birthday goes to Bubble, yet I've been there and it made me realize how different are the social circles I'm in. And I miss those other ones, to be frank. No, Bubble, you are great, of course.

Honesty and dishonesty and karma and I met so many people today, heard so many stories and first I have to sleep on it to make conclusions, but it seems I'm not so much an asshole anymore. Aye, no need to applause, thank you. And I'm not really sure whether this is being me or whether this is a mask. Confusion.

My new scar got infected a little, they might cut off my arm soon. (you never know in London) So next week I'll start digging Ableton and hopefully will come up with some results. Five and a half days or hundred and twenty seven hours left till L. shows up and I'll be off to dream one of those fucked up dreams.

That's how life looks like.

A bit of trip

What's up? What's new?

I just managed to reach the state where I saw myself from within the mirror. And though everybody's been there and saw that, I still want to brag about it out loudly.

Got a job, yes, I know it's unbelievable and I realized I chose completely different mask this time. And I question my consciousness, turn another page for the answers, but they ain't there. Oh but well anyway, it's all temporary. And it's a small world out there.

So that's life.

And then we die, leave our physical bodies and float away in the darkness. Until the flames start flickering, surrounding the space with warmth. And I hope the future me will remember the past me as he felt this day. Unbound and unchained.

set the controls for the heart of the sun

All of us have these different sets of friends, people we want to be, people we want to be like us, helpless people, people we hang out with, people we(re) hang'in. For each and everyone of them we have different sets of rules, what to say, how to dress... Even how to feel around 'em. Ain't this a mad world, since it's so rare to just be. Slavery for money and contacts and what they gonna think and what not.

Anyway, time goes on, that one doesn't care. He doesn't accept cookies, nor credit cards. One tough son of a bitch. And even if you threaten that you'll quit - well, he's almost just like everybody else. Go on, press the button.

I'm also planning on rewriting Hansel And Gretel, not because it's bad, but because I believe it can be better. Imagine those children finding a house made out of lumps of hash, with the decorations of weed sprinkled with cocaine and the river of acid in the background. Now that's a proper story. Also, I'd introduce some new characters, such as a Shady Tony and Wendy the Whore. You just wait till you find out what they are going to do.

now my eyes are becoming hard to keep open, and yesterday they were trying to hang themselves (after couple of sleepless days) so today i'll be gentle. I'll be waiting.

With all the rubbish going around and me spacing out 86400 times a day even those plans or ideas i have for the future me, and U, for fucks sake, with such an impact. Impact of the meteor that destroyed the dinosaurs, what the mere I can expect. And life is beautiful, now more than ever.
Good thing i'm leaving...

Left, nothing has changed. Yet, at least. Tens of people newly met, hundreds of fresh ideas and memories to remember, thousands of minutes well wasted. Approved.